No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
