I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
