She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
