so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
