plz talk dirty to me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm just crazy horny about you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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