well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
