I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
