I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
