I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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