Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
