We're like a lot better than the average bears
one might say we're banned from that church
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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