I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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