I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
