i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
