Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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We have started to decorate penises.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌