Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish i was in the wii world.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.