If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower