I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day