To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?