I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
