One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
