can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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