I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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