I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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