We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
