i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
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I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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