Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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