i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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