This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
