I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
