He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
