Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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