i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's official drugs can't kill me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
