Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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