Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
