I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
