i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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