oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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