Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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