Whod you bang
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
