I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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