I think I am morally bankrupt
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
