Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
