how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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