I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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