after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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