I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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