TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
