It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store