I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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