Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
