Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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