I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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