i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
