two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
