So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
