I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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