i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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