She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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