I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
