I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
