i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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