She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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