Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
